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20年前の冬、大切な友人を失った。
何日も食事が喉を通らないほど悲しかったくせに、彼女の気持ちにはどうしても寄り添え切れなかった自分がいた。
病気や怪我や事故で、生きたくても生きられない人がいる。
自ら生きることを放棄することはできない。
あの時の想いが、今の私を生かしてくれているのだとつくづく思う。

娘の死をずっと受け入れることが出来なかった御両親。
20年という歳月を経て、ようやく納骨の儀を終えて、私は初めて彼女の墓前に手を合わせることができた。
これまで一日たりとも彼女のことを思い出さない日はなかったけれど、これからはもっと気軽に彼女に会いに行けるようになる。

その翌々日、あの時の仲間がまた一人、他界した。
病と闘う姿を知って以来、どうにかして想いを伝えたいと願ってきた。
金環日食に想いを馳せて、仲間を総動員して、祈りが届くように天を仰いだ。
弱っていく姿を見せたくないという彼女の想いを汲みながら、そっと遠くから見守った。
彼女の最期は、どこまでも凛として、強く美しかった。

人生は長短でないから。
彼女も彼女も、ぞれぞれの人生を精一杯に生きたのだと思う。
肉体は滅びても、想いは必ず繋がっていく。
私はもう少しここで踏ん張って生きていくから、天国で待っていてくれるかな。
どうしようもない喪失感と戦いながら、それでも前に進まなくてはと思う。

涙でかすんだ冬のプロローグ、想いよ永遠(とわ)に。

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I lost a dear friend in winter 20 years ago.
I was so sad that I could not eat more than a few days, but I could not feel
her heart in direct.
There are people who can’t live more even if they want to live, cause of
illness, injury, or accident.
I can’t give up to live my own.
I think the feeling of that time let me alive, and I am here now.

Her parents were not able to accept the death of their daughter for long time.
They finally finished the ceremony of burial after the years of 20 years, and
I was able to go to see her grave for the first time.
I have been always reminded her every day so far, and I am now able to go
to see her easily.

After the next two days, a dear friend, who was a companion at same
time, passed away.
I had been hoping to tell her our friend's feelings since I had known the
figure of her fight disease.
I thought about it with annular solar eclipse, asked the fellow to mobilize,
and looked up to the sky prayer so that I could reach her.
We have watched her quietly from a distance, while we thought her feeling
that she didn't want to show up go weak.
Her last moment was very dignified, strong and beautiful.

Life is not a long-and short-term.
I think that she and she were a life lived to the fullest of their respective.
The body may perish, thoughts will always be connected.
I wonder if they would wait for me in heaven since I will alive to fight little
more here.
While the fighting with the sense of loss can’t be helped, I think I have to
move forward.

This is my winter prologue filled with tear.
I wish the feelings will continue forever.